Last Friday, my 8 year old daughter had her first Reconciliation.
For my Catholic challenged friends, Reconciliation is the sacrament that allows
members of the church to have their sins purged by asking God’s forgiveness
through a priest in a private meeting.
Past the occasional swear word, crayon wall art, and
mysteriously crying little brother, I’m not sure what 8 year olds have to
confess to clean their souls, but I was optimistic with a new emphasis on “repentance
of sinfulness” rather than specific sinful acts and penances of 5 Our Fathers
and a handful of Hail Marys.
My daughter was excited, prepared, and nervous along with
the 50 other children in the church. The priest addressed the children with a
wonderful analogy that sinning was like having the light in your spirit go out
and confession turned the light back on. I felt a familiar sense of discomfort from
my younger days when I wondered if I had a special place in Heaven or forfeited
my soul because I didn’t take the garbage out fast enough.
After the overpowering monologue of guilt, shame, and fear,
we were ready for confession. And we all had to go to confession as a family. My last confession was before the advent of
the Interweb, the birth of “Baby on Board” signs, and Livin’ on Prayer was
rocking the charts… 25 years of undocumented sin. I looked at my daughter as
she prepared and whispered to her.
ME: Relax, It’s
all going to be just fine. It’s not a test and everyone passes.
DAUGHTER: I know…
you better tell the priest that you swear a lot.
ME: I will… and
after confession I’m going to walk to the front of the alter, lift my arms, and
yell “FREE FROM SIN AT LAST! PRAISE THE LORD!”
DAUGHTER:
Asshole!...Whoops…Is that a sin?
ME: You’re
sitting in a pew swearing in the Church. Welcome to the Big Leagues of Sinning.
WIFE: Stop talking
to her! Someone will hear! Yes it’s sinning, dear. Just don’t talk to your
father and you won’t sin anymore before confession.
I believe in God, I believe in Jesus’ teachings, but I have
a problem with the delivery of the message. I don’t believe in black and white
issues and fundamentally I have a problem with any institution that teaches
ideology through guilt, shame, and fear. My God is not a vengeful God, but He
is compassionate, has a sense of humor, and doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
We left the pew as a family for confession. My daughter went
first and came out smiling. My wife entered second and came out smiling. I
entered with hope for a new beginning as I came face to face with a priest who
was probably born when I went to my last confession.
A confession is a fairly straightforward act: Greeting,
Listing of Sins, Penance, Act of Contrition, and Absolution. The main
difference is the sin content. Confession is a personal experience, but I
wanted to share how far we’ve moved forward in the last 25 years.
ME: Good Evening
Father. Forgive me for my sins. It’s been over 20 years since my last
confession.
PRIEST: Would you
like to go over the 10 Commandments.
ME: No, I’m aware
of them and follow them. I’d prefer to give you my Act of Contrition.
PRIEST: Proceed.
(The 10 Commandments comment threw me off and I went into an Act of Contrition,
although this is usually done after the listing of sins because you need
something to be contrite about. Something told me that I would not be lacking
in that department for the next few minutes. I paraphrased the Act of Contrition
as it had been a long time and he commended me on my improvised ending.) Tell
me your sins.
ME: In the last
25 years, I have been at times a bad father, a bad son, a bad husband, and a
bad friend. Because it’s been such a long time, I do not remember any
particular instances, but I know there have been many.
PRIEST: Good. Now
we need to go over the Mortal Sins. (Mortal Sins are wrongful acts that condemn a person to
hell if unforgiven before death. I can’t
ever remember being asked this during confession.)
ME: Excuse me?
PRIEST: In the
last 25 years, have you attended Mass every Sunday?
ME: No.
PRIEST: In the
last 25 years, have you watched pornography?
ME: Yes
PRIEST: In the
last 25 years, have you masturbated?
ME: Yes, it kinda
goes hand in hand in hand with question 2. (At this point the wheels were
coming off the train but I was still steering toward a respectful crash.)
PRIEST: Have you
had relations with anyone other than your wife?
ME: No one other
than my wife, but we haven’t been married for 25 years. I had girlfriends
before that and…yeah…we were not married. I think that’s another yes.
PRIEST: Have you
gossiped against a friend that caused him to lose a job? (I became a bit
worried at this point because we were way off the reservation.)
ME: I’ve gossiped
about people, but I can’t remember if it ever cost someone their job. But 25
years is a long time and I wouldn’t put it past myself, so I am going to say
yes.
PRIEST: Do you
pray daily.
ME: Yes I do. (Very
true, I just don’t commute.)
PRIEST: Bow your
head for absolution. Pray a decade of the rosary and go forth to sin no more.
I left the confessional to greet my wife and daughter and
contemplated a decade of the Rosary. 10 years seems to be a great deal of hard
time for activities that occupy 99% of the populace on any given weekday. But
then I remembered that decade is a term used for how to pray the Rosary!
I was off the hook with time served and was no longer living
with the constant threat of hellfire from impure thoughts, impure acts, or speaking
about a colleague habitually coming to work 15 minutes late every day!
My daughter loves going to church, attending CCD, and has a
healthy appreciation, respect, and love for Jesus. I like him too and would
never do anything to dissuade her because I believe in the message and as she
gets older she’ll find her own issues with the methodology. And then I’ll
introduce her to my God who will remind her she said “Asshole” in the church
right before her 1st confession and He thought it was a riot.