Thanksgiving is a time of thanking, giving, laughing,
shopping, yelling, crying, and mass turkey executions. It remains the only
holiday that was ever moved to increase the amount of shopping days before
Christmas by FDR in 1939, but unfortunately the extra week was not enough to
overcome the Great Depression.
Thanksgiving will always be the hand- me-down little brother
of Christmas; 24 hours of goodwill, one remarkable Charlie Brown Special, a
feel good Detroit Lions loss, and headfirst into the evil consumer void of
Black Friday to kick off the real giving season. Unfortunately wrapped presents
will always trump a turkey leg and knock Thanksgiving off the top of the award
podium into a three way battle with Easter and Halloween for the silver. Ham vs
Turkey, Witches vs Pilgrims, and Costumes vs Uncle Chuck’s Easter Dinner
Nightshirt. There are no clear cut winners in the holiday Thunderdome.
But all is not lost because Thanksgiving has tradition. Not
important Christmas tradition like an all-day Twilight Zone marathon or leaving
Santa a beer and salami sandwich because he prefers it to milk and cookies, but
400 years of actual human beings, who don’t like each other, sitting down to
dinner and speaking to each other about what they were thankful over the past
year. If the Indians and pilgrims could put aside their killing for the day, the
Bargiels could do the same.
In my youth, my brother Jon, sister Nina, and I would go
around the Thanksgiving table and name one thing we were thankful for that
year. Over the years, it became a bit boring and predictable, like a Tebow
interview, and we decided to think outside the box once we hit our 20’s.
Dad: Jer, what
are you thankful for?
Me: I’m thankful
we didn’t spend our summers on Amity Island and I’m thankful I’m not much of a
beach-goer.
Dad: OK… Jon?
Me: I’m thankful
I wasn’t on the Lynyard Skynyrd plane when it went down in ’77.
Dad: If you are
not going to take this seriously, we are not going to do it! This is a special
day! Nina!
Nina: I’m
thankful for having such a wonderful family…
Dad: Was that so
hard?
Nina: and for not
being Rick James’ sex slave. I’m Rick James Bitch! I just couldn’t take that
for multiple days.
Dad: You have
ruined Thanksgiving!
Dad leaves but not before adding food to his plate and
making sure the Lions game is on.
Mom: I couldn’t
take that either dear. I’m thankful for having everyone home for Thanksgiving
and not recounting the same boring stories. I’m Rick James Bitch! I like that!
Sure we spent a great deal of time before dinner watching an
E True Hollywood Story marathon, but the point is that we were still thankful
while tweaking the old tradition for the new tradition. I don’t get together
for holidays as much as I’d like with my brother and sister, but when we do
Jaws, Skynyrd, and Rick James will surely come up and whatever current drama is
unfolding will be replaced by smiles, laughter, and my father carrying a
well-stocked food plate to watch football.
Since that time, I have gone on to ruin other holidays and one
year I even failed Easter (I thought they were grading on a curve, but
apparently Jesus is set in his ways.) I’m very thankful for the gifts of my
friends, family, and our way of life. My wife and I still go around the table
with our children and name one particular thing that we are thankful for over
the year. The responses are fairly predictable, but I look forward to when they
start their own tradition. If bedtime prayers from the 4 year old are any
indication, it is coming soon.
Me: It’s time for
prayers. What would you like to thank God for?
Boy: I thank God
for mommy, daddy, Julia, my penis,
Me: Your what?!
Boy: My penis.
Me: Why?
Boy: Because it’s
the greatest toy I’ve ever had.
Me: And why did
you put it after your mother, me, and your sister?
Boy: Because I
love you more than any toy.
It’s the little things that bring us the greatest joy. I
smiled, I laughed, and in my mind’s eye I saw my father leaving the room with a
full plate in search of football. Enjoy your traditions and have a Very Happy
Thanksgiving!
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