Monday, September 24, 2012

It’s Not All About You, Mr. President

Boy: Dad, will you play with me?
Excitedly I join the fray and the Joker quickly takes control of the Bat Cave.
Boy: Dad, it’s not all about you?
Dad: Is it all about you?
Boy: That’s what mom says.
I’m a dad. I know it’s not all about me, but it would be nice if it were occasionally about me or even better it could be about US. The boy means well but I did invade his turf and organize a Joker-Batman turf war without realizing that the schizophrenic personalities of Ben 10 were engaged in a long standing feud with Buzz Lightyear, Chewbacca, and Pikachu over playdate rights to Batman’s secret lair.
I think being a dad is a lot like being President of the United States. (I know a great deal of people have strong thoughts on candidates, including myself, but this post is not about policy but the position of office.) In a perfect world, the POTUS is an elected leader who will solve all our problems, right every injustice, and move us forward with his visionary guidance into the a future epoch of grand success.
It sounds wonderful, but eerily similar to “do your homework and then you can play with the iPod”, “don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself”, and of course the familiar “dad knows what he’s doing.” As dads, we give speeches (When I was your age…), propose potential laws (You will take turns!), try to fool Congress (Your mom isn’t here and you can have cake for breakfast just this once, but it’s a secret!), and we are the face of wartime (Just wait until your father hears about this!)
But in reality, we wield little real power and so does the President. All the power lies with Mom who wields the power of the Legislative and Judicial branches. She makes laws and she enforces them on a daily basis. She runs the intelligence community and nothing escapes her roving eye. And each of us an illegal action away from impeachment and believe me she will get the votes.
The kids don’t get to vote for their parents, but they know we’re here to serve their country. We love dad’s liberal picking up the toys’ policies, but when the chips are down we need mom’s strong foreign policy to repel the nighttime invaders of ghosts, vampires, and Scooby Doo who invade our dreams.
Yes boy, it is all about you because that is what mom said. But if you want some cake, I’ll look into vetoing the 730PM bedtime tax.
P.S. Please remember that single parents or benevolent dictators run all 3 branches of government and deserve our  respect and full support.

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