My
parents came back from a week long vacation in Mexico with presents for the
kids as well as gifts for my wife and I. There were assorted T-shirts, maracas,
loose pesos, and neatly folded trouble lurking within the luggage.
Approximately
one week prior, the following transpired…
My
Dad: What would you
like for me to bring back for you from Mexico?
My
Daughter: It
doesn’t matter to me. I’m sure it will be wonderful and it’s the thought that
counts. (She is a giving and caring girl who knows that taking an adult
approach to small presents could pay off big later for the Birthday and
Christmas gift bonanza)
My Boy: Optimus
Prime (And the boy looked at his Grandpa with the steely gaze of Clint
Eastwood looking for A Fistful of Dollars.)
My
parents were whisked away to a magical land were the food was spicy, the soda
too sweet, and the booze was just right. They returned to tell us fantastic
tales about getting lost, the Spanish version of CNN, and 4 foot iguanas that
freely walked down the road. And they came bearing gifts.
My
Dad: We brought
back presents! (He hands each child a T-shirt and a set of maracas.)
My
Daughter: It’s just
what I wanted! Oh thank you! (Well played young Julia who turns 8 at the end of
the week.)
My
Boy: (Looking for an
uncomfortable amount of time at the T-Shirt like it was toy kryptonite.)
Me: Isn’t that a nice T-Shirt? Say
thank you. (I find it best to use prompts when either child is silent for too
long. The same methodology applies to trying to calm any wild animal with an
“Easy Boy” reference.)
The
Boy: No. I asked
for Optimus Prime and this is not Optimus Prime! If he brought home an Iguana
that would have been cool too! And I don’t like T-shirts!
Me: Say thank you.
The
Boy: I’m going to
my room! (Storming off and slamming the door as only a 4 year old can while
looking like a 40 year old who just got downsized.)
Was the
girl better behaved than the boy? Should we be more appreciative of what we
have instead of what we want? Should we buy toys from our neighbors to the
south to encourage free trade? The answer of course is yes (unless you are in
the 1% who doesn’t believe in that sort of thing) but the true fault lies in
the gift giver who broke the three most fundamental rules of giving kids gifts.
1. If you ask and they answer under $20.00, it’s go
time.
2. Surprise gifts are always the best return on
investment. A SpongeBob pencil eraser can make you a hero for the day.
3. Big Iguanas are the unwinnable situation that even
Kirk could not defeat. The Kobayashi Maru test was never designed to account
for a 4 year old who wants a miniature dinosaur. Do not ever bring up iguana
ownership in any parental conversation.
Don’t
ask, don’t tell, and stay away from iguanas. It’s a crappy social policy, but
it works wonders when you’re forced into battle at Toys R Us.
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