Me: You look beautiful this morning. I like your Pumpkin shirt. You know the Halloween Walk is tomorrow.
Julia: I’m going, but it’s for children.
Me: You’re eight. You are children.
Julia: I’m more like 18. I’m only going for the candy. I’m an adult.
Me: Then I have to tell you that you’re grounded, I think your friends are a bad influence, and you will absolutely never do that thing you did again.
Julia: That’s not fair. I’m a good girl and I rarely swear except sometimes I say “Fuck”.
Me: That’s a really bad word.
Julia: I know and I only use it when I’m really angry at home, but it’s not as bad as “Goddammit” because that is taking the Lord’s name in vain.
Me: Drop the F word in church and see how far that gets you.
Wife: Julia, what are you doing?! We’re going to be late for school!
Me: We’re just discussing the finer points of theology.
Mina: Did you tell Daddy that you memorized all your prayers?
Julia: I did. And I got an award.
Mina: Let’s go Julia! We’re going to be late!
Me: Don’t be in a hurry to grow up Julia.
Julia: Don’t be in a hurry to be a grumpy old man, dad.